GIFTS FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY
YES, EVEN YOUR PROBLEMATIC UNCLE
Family. Love them or hate them – maybe a little bit of both, depending on the circumstance – the fact is, they’re yours. Family bonds vary across a spectrum of close and distant, and with all kinds of personalities to consider we’ve put together an exhaustive gift guide for all the members of your family. From beloved parents and siblings to precious children, kooky grans, swinging aunties, and surly teens, there’s a perfect pick for everyone. It’s the season of giving after all, and everyone, yes everyone, should get something.
FOR MOTHER
She’s running a company AND never not mom-ing. She packs the bags, fills out the forms, thinks ahead, replenishes the closets and pantries and makes sure everyone is where they’re supposed to be. Every. Single. Day. She even finds time to lift weights in addition to all that emotional labor. WTF?! She won’t tell you, or even herself, but boy is she exhausted. Pamper her with helpful, comforting presents; and your presence too.
FOR FATHER
He’s off to Europe for another business trip, but when he gets home he’ll be the quintessential, loveable American layabout; watching the game and whistling (between “work calls” and “projects” that make him feel handy). He doesn’t cook but he sure likes carving that roast, and making the toasts. He’s always there to lend strong and confident guidance when the going gets tough, so treat him to toys he’ll love.
FOR THE SURLY TEEN
Sure it seems like they only communicate in grunts, and emerge from their bedroom caves for food and other necessities, but teens are complicated, sweet and shouldering a lot. They might say they’d be happy with gift cards or nothing at all, but where’s the fun in that? Surprise them with things as weird and loveable as they are.
FOR THE TIKTOK TWEEN
She’s growing bigger everyday and can’t stop gazing at her own reflection, trying to make sense of it all. Yes the dances can be inappropriate, yes we hear it’s bad for self esteem, but the fun train is on the move and you can watch it leave the station, or get onboard. Stay close and stay tuned in, pretend you get the references, and enjoy the ride.
FOR THE GLAM AUNTY
She’s childless, she’s free, she lives life with no regret and has a good ass time doing it. Glam Aunty likes late nights and cocktails, talking to strangers, and travelling like she’s on a race to see it all. As she bounces from city to city, remind her she’s loved at home with special, luxurious gifts that speak to her joie de vivre.
FOR THE NEPHEW WITH A NEW APARTMENT
Seems like just yesterday he graduated with that business degree and now he’s off to the races with a sweet digital marketing gig and a brand new bachelor pad in the big city. Give gifts that help him with adulting and do your part to make sure his new place leaves the right impression on potential partners.
FOR THE COOL EXPAT NIECE
She landed in Portugal and she’s not coming back. This Digital Nomad might be grinding for a tech company, but in her free time she’s protesting systemic racism, human rights violations, environmental destruction and the ills of late stage capitalism, doing her best to live life differently. Her youthful vigor, unbridled optimism and sharp organizational skills may be what save us all. Spoil her while she’s Stateside this season.
FOR THE DOGGO OBSESSED COUSIN
They won’t stop fostering, adopting, helping to house, and loving on dogs of all shapes and sizes. Yes their house is covered in fur, and you’re still not sure about that three-legged Corgi mutt with a nasty attitude, but you gotta love this cousin’s unwavering devotion to man’s best friend. Indulge them with some dog-tastic picks.
FOR THE CONSPIRACY THEORIST UNCLE
Uncle X was always a little lonely and peculiar, with a penchant for pegging himself as “misunderstood,” but WOW the pandemic served him a piping hot Red Pill and YouTube University has not taught him well (about politics, medicine, science, the economy, sexuality or anything else except paranoia). We’d recommend steering clear of any and all conversation beyond the weather. But don’t leave him off the gift list, he’s family after all. Sorry.
FOR THE WELLNESS GRAN
She’s in yoga or pilates three times a week, and on off days she’s playing tennis. She was Macrobiotic in the 70s, Buddhist too. Her crystals, encyclopedic knowledge of herbs, and yoni treatments predate Goop by decades. Well-read and well-travelled, she’s 80-something and showing not a single sign of slowing down. Keep her in good vibes.
FOR THE TINY ONLY CHILD
Grandma was one of eight kids, your mom and dad had siblings a plenty, but these days, kids are increasingly rare; time and money amirite? You and your extended family have just two, teeny little, special, unicorn snowflake babies (how old are they now?) for alllll of you to fawn over, helicopter, and spoil. Make sure you show up with the best present to enchant them and their parents for years to come.