HOW TO: MAKE YOUR BED
& LIE IN IT TOO
We present ten steps to a necessity of adulting, doing the thing that must be done, every single freaking day, also known as: Making Your Bed. Scene: you’ve got a neatly folded stack of fresh linens and some time because it’s the weekend. Perhaps you'll want to put off the inevitable for a few more days and make some pancakes instead, but you’ve GOT to change those sheets every 7-14 days, period. And today’s the day. Then every morning in between, you must repeat steps 3-10. Don’t skimp. This is just the way of it. Here we go:
Step 1: Strip the Bed
Remove all bedding, including sheets, pillowcases, blankets, and duvet covers. Don’t half-ass it and try to do parts at a time. You need a clean canvas to work with.
Step 2: The Fitted Sheet
Place the fitted sheet over the mattress. Ensure that the elastic edges hug the corners of the mattress snugly by walking around and around, back and forth, tugging until it’s just right. Smooth out any wrinkles or creases with your hands, you want TAUT.
Step 3: The Flat Sheet
Lay the flat sheet over the fitted sheet, aligning the top edge (with the large hem) with the top of the mattress. Tuck the sheet tightly under the foot of the mattress, ensuring a smooth and secure fit. Leave the sides untucked for now.
Step 4: Hospital Corners
On one side of the bed, lift the corner of the flat sheet and fold it diagonally, creating a 45-degree angle. Tuck the excess fabric under the mattress, forming a neat and tight corner. Repeat this process on the other side of the bed. That’s right, hospital corners, baby. They keep the sheet in place and make the nightly ritual of untucking everything with kicking motions when your feet get hot, a thing.
Step 5: Comforter or Blanket
Lay your fluffed comforter or blanket over the flat sheet, ensuring that it is centered and covers the entire bed. Everyone has their own way of getting that duvet cover on efficiently, we trust you have yours. Smooth out any wrinkles or folds, ensuring an even and comfortable layer.
Step 6: Pillowcases
Slide, shimmy, and stuff away to get those clean pillowcases over each pillow, and ensure all corners are in their right position. Smooth out any wrinkles or folds on the pillowcases for a polished appearance.
Step 7: Pillows
Place your pillows against the headboard or wall, starting with the largest pillows at the back. Arrange them in descending order of size: Euro, king, standard to decorative. Fluff, fluff, fluff for maximum inviting plumpness.
Step 8: Finishing Touches
Smooth out any wrinkles or creases on the sheets, duvet, or blankets. Adjust the pillows as needed to create a visually appealing arrangement and throw a throw on it. After all that hard work, you’ll need a little something to swaddle yourself in for your afternoon nap, that doesn’t involve peeling back the sheets.
Step 9: Congratulate Yourself
...and contemplate the meaning of life (is it all about making the goddamned bed, day after day after day?!), plus, what to eat for breakfast.
Step 10: Lie In It
End your day with a long scroll through all your social media feeds as you lie in your very clean, crisp bed before drifting off to the sweetest dreams.
And here are some handsome tools for practicing your new craft: