OH MOTHER!
THREE COOL MOMS SHOW HOW THEY'RE PACKING OUR EXCLUSIVE, ENGRAVED LARK KNIFE BY CRAIGHILL
What’s better than a regular mom? A super cool mom who works her ass off, achieves staggering success, looks great doing it, and loves motherhood and her children fiercely. Diaper duty, an exercise routine, Zoom meetings, healthy meals, red carpets, time outs, parent teacher conferences, fashion events, gentle parenting, buying all the clothes and toys and supplies and room décor, filling out the forms, date nights, personal beauty maintenance, homework help, grueling hours, being “the talent” and the maker of breast milk. Just tackling one thing from that list can be daunting - imagine juggling everything all at once.
Since the women’s liberation movement of the 1960s, the early 80s publication of Having It All by Helen Gurley Brown, to the many think pieces on the cons of having kids circulating the interwebs today, for all women who consider motherhood, huge questions arise. What am I capable of? What is the cost of motherhood? How will I change? What will I relinquish and what will I gain? Can children and my freedom, dreams, and goals coexist? Is there a limit to what I can do? Is it really possible to have it all?
Meet Vashtie Kola, downtown’s darling, über multihyphenate DJ-Director-Designer-Consultant. Leah McSweeney, founder of fashion label Married to the Mob, author, Real Housewife, tv and podcast personality. Laura Styles, the ever-present voice of any True Yorker’s am routine as co-host of Hot97’s morning show. Vashtie, Leah, and Laura are three beautiful moms who come awfully close to actually having it all, and somehow manage to make it look easy. But of course, it’s not easy – truly great things seldom are, and motherhood never is.
We salute these three inspirational women that exemplify Cool Mom, who share thoughts here about their motherhood journeys, plus some sexy, personal bag spills that include our exclusive, engraved MOTHER knife by Craighill. All three women had the same answer for the question of what their kids will remember them for: being loving moms. Some relief there, since we think that's the easiest, coolest, and most rewarding part of having it all.
Name: Vashtie Kola
Occupation: DJ, Director, Designer
Currently Resides: East Village, NYC
Year you became a mother: 2020
What’s does your ideal Mother’s Day look like?
Sleeping in, Vegan Breakfast Sandwich from Orchard Grocer, Lunch at Jacks Wife with my toddler and husband, a massage at Keisy, and watching something fun with my husband before bedtime.
Tell us about your proudest mothering moment:
Any moment where I can be patient with my 2 year old who is having an emotional spiral. But also being fortunate enough to work from home, so that I can spend as much time with her as possible.
What about the darkest one?
The darkest would be the first time I had to take a flight for work by myself. I thought of the worst possible scenarios and found myself sobbing by just imagining the terrible "what if's". I didn't realize that having a child would make you think and worry about death much more than before.
Share the best memory of your mother:
Helping my Mom in the kitchen make roti or curry. I loved to help her and she was a wizard in the kitchen. I remember her hands so well, cutting things in her hand without a cutting board and kneading dough.
Have you ended up exactly like her?
Gladly, no. With respect to my Mom, she wasn't very emotionally connected with me or my siblings. It was something I deeply yearned for as a child. I am naturally the opposite and have even adopted the new age "Gentle Parenting" style, which is much different than the way I grew up in my Carribean household.
Is it hard to retain a sense of self as a mom and if so, how do you do it?
Yes, it is a challenge. It's so easy to just become a machine who's always looking out for others. I think women naturally wear and balance many hats, and because of our culture and programming it's easy to get wrapped up in that role and forget about ourselves. I try and stay balanced with meditation, alone time to work, and treating myself to lunch or nice things. I also try to verbalize to my partner that I need help or time to myself, and he's always great at stepping in to help.
One kernel of advice for new mothers?
This role is not meant for you to solely do on your own. It truly takes a (trusted) village. Just because you can be Super Woman and do it all on your own doesn't mean you should, it will eventually take its toll. Ask for help when you need it, but to do just that - you need to be self-aware. Meditation is helpful for you to stay present and aware.
What are you looking forward to in your “mother journey”?
Continuing to guide my child and future children in this world, while allowing them to be themselves and manifest their own destinies.
How will your kid(s) remember you?
Hopefully as a creative that contributed to the culture she loved so much, but also a loving and present Mother who balanced work and home.
Name: Leah McSweeney
Occupation: Founder of Married to the Mob/Author of Chaos Theory/On TV sometimes
Currently Resides: Downtown, NYC
Year you became a mother: 2006 (Gave birth in 2007, but I became a mother the moment I realized I was pregnant.)
What’s does your ideal Mother’s Day look like?
I’m easy. My daughter is very thoughtful, so she always gets me a present that resonates, which I really appreciate. Aside from that and a hug from her, I like to hit the gym and go along my day as usual.
Tell us about your proudest mothering moment:
I think just watching my teenage daughter be so much different then I was as a teen! I was totally out of control. Seeing my daughter have a “normal” adolescence really gives me a sense of pride. Of course, no one comes out of their teenage years unscathed, because it’s part of the human experience. But she is moving through it in a way that amazes me.
What about the darkest one?
Oh man! Parenting is hard! I don’t even think I can write the darkest moment. It will be in my next book! Maybe just realizing that I know I’m fucking her up somehow without meaning to, because it's inevitable
Share the best memory of your mother:
My best memory is when my mom made a beautiful speech giving me all the flowers at a party for Married to the Mob. It was the first time she had expressed a lot of the things she mentioned, and it really touched me. I won’t ever forget it.
Have you ended up exactly like her?
Ha, that’s funny! I think there are some intrinsic qualities that are passed down through blood, but we are very different. We are probably more alike than I want to admit.
Is it hard to retain a sense of self as a mom and if so, how do you do it?
I think the hard part is dealing with the expectations of being the “perfect” mom and this idea of what a mother should be. That was what I had difficulty with because knew I couldn’t live up to that. Who can? I have tried my best to be honest with my daughter about who I am, what I’ve been through, who I was before her, all at age-appropriate times, but that’s how I’ve retained my sense of self - by being myself.
One kernel of advice for new mothers?
Trust your instincts.
What are you looking forward to in your “mother journey”?
My daughter taking care of me when I’m old!
How will your kid(s) remember you?
Hopefully as someone who gave her all my love.
Name: Laura Stylez
Occupation: Media Personality
Currently Resides: Brooklyn, NY
Year you became a mother: 2020
What’s does your ideal Mother’s Day look like?
A nice brunch or early dinner and an outdoor activity with my family...easy.
Tell us about your proudest mothering moment:
When my daughter made eye contact with me and said MAMA. I felt loved and seen...incredible feeling.
What about the darkest one?
Postpartum depression.
Share the best memory of your mother:
My mother always made me feel loved and connected. I could and can honestly talk to her about anything. She's made me feel safe.
Have you ended up exactly like her?
Haaaa yes, in many ways.
Is it hard to retain a sense of self as a mom and if so, how do you do it?
It was one of the hardest things for me and a huge fear but now my daughter is 2 1/2 and I’m finally living my life with more balance and less guilt.
One kernel of advice for new mothers?
No mom is perfect, give yourself grace in every way possible. Don't be scared to ask for help
What are you looking forward to in your “mother journey”?
Growing old with my girl and travelling the world.
How will your kid(s) remember you?
Fearless, honest, loving and true....and that she was the light of my life.